Despite how rough my pregnancies can be on both of us, he was ready and willing to try for number 2 even though he knew it would be months and months of my vomiting, fatigue and general not feeling well. Even though my pregnancies at times can make me pretty bitchy, he understands. He does put me in my place when I need to be put there, but he also just wants me to be happy. He's always gone above and beyond for me. From supporting my decision to be a stay at home mom, to supporting all the crazy ideas and thoughts I have. He's been to every OB appointment of mine except for one because he couldn't make it due to a meeting. He held my hand and talked me thru my c-section when I was scared and so fatigued from 18 hours of labor. He never left my side until our son was born.
He's spent weeks on the couch with me and our newborn baby taking turns getting up with our little one through out the night and when this baby is born, I know he will do the same again.
He's always been an elaborate gift giver even when I've told him there is nothing I need or want. He always finds that perfect gift that leaves my jaw dropped and amazed every time with the inability to reciprocate.
The weekend we left on our San Diego trip my husband stood waiting forever at Wal-Mart to get me an HP tablet that had just gone on sale for 99 bucks! I never even asked for a tablet, the funny thing is we both talked about how much Ipad's were highly over priced glorified ipod touches and made fun of Apple for them right...well he got this tablet because they were marked down from $500 bucks to $99 bucks because HP would dropped out of the tablet wars, so he thought why the heck not. My husband being the techy he is would soon find a way to hack it and make it work the way we wanted it to work. When he got back from the store, he presented me with my late birthday present. I never asked for such a thing but he got it for me and he has always thought of me first.
So Saturday night I'm collecting my HP tablet from the counter and not realizing the zipper on the case wasn't closed, it slid out of the case and shattered on the kitchen floor! My heart sunk and I cried. Hunky Hubs hearing my wails came running downstairs. He saw the tablet and immediately went into "how can I make this work mode" He grabbed some saran wrap and wrapped it around the tablet so that I could still use the tablet without cutting my fingers. The tablet still worked but the glass was broke on it. I still felt horrible because he spent this money on it and I had only had it for a week or so and it was broken, unfix-able and it was like a waste of money, money that he spent on me, money that we don't really have and money that should sit in our account since I am out of work at the moment. You might think that because we went to San Diego a few weeks ago that we are made of money, but thats not true, it was a much needed vacation with money that was sitting in a separate savings account for years and we took the opportunity to treat ourselves to a vacation before the baby came. We never got the honeymoon we wanted, so that was sort of the replacement honeymoon 4 years down the road.
So anyway, the next day, of course I'm still upset about the tablet and I was irritable because our son was sick and having horrible bouts of terrible two crankies and I was trying to work on blog stuff and my blog was all messed up due to trying to fix my labels issue for my posts and right in the middle of football, he runs out and comes back with an Ipad. An Ipad for me....to replace the tablet. You know a guy loves you when he doesn't go to church for 16 weeks out of the year because he has to watch every game, and when he leaves on the first Sunday of football season for you, that's love. I immediately wanted him to return it because I felt I didn't deserve it. I felt I hadn't been a good enough wife or mother to deserve such an elaborate gift or gesture and here I am unable to watch kids unless its part time or with kids I can lift being six months pregnant, not bringing in an income at the moment and he did this, for me. I honestly look at myself some days and wonder how anyone could love me. I don't have very good self esteem most of the time, but for some reason this amazing man loves me. He is there for me thru everything and I am so afraid of loosing him too soon in this life. I love him so much and I know I need to work on showing it more. I sometimes just don't know how... I don't know how to return this love he has for me. I try, but I feel nothing I do is good enough, not that he makes me feel that way, but just that I don't think there is anything grand enough to show him how I feel about him.
Babe if you are reading this, I just want you to know you mean so much to me and I cry at the thought of anything happening to you, its why I care so much about your health and I know the likelihood is that you will go before I do and all I want to do is lessen the gap. I need you in my life and I love you so much more than you will ever know and that makes me sad, because I just want you to be able to feel what you've given me the ability to feel. You've given me the ability to love and to be loved. You've given me a family, you've made me important to someone's life where before this, before I ever met you I never felt important to anyone. You complete who I am. I wouldn't be a mother and wife if it weren't for you. Thank you for all you do, all you have done and who you are. You are my gift from God.