Have you ever had a searing pain in your eyeball that lasted three weeks? Something similar to the feeling of glass under your eyelid? Well that is what I've been dealing with. Yep. I've had this pain for three weeks. I got to the point on Tuesday where all I wanted to do was throw the towel in on my life. I was driving home from the pharmacy with two kids in the back seat squinting to see out of my one eye and trying to fight back tears. Crying and driving are not good combinations, but the tears just kept coming.
See I had a12pm appointment that my husband took the time off from work to drive me to. We get to the optometrist and my appointment is bumped to 2pm. Well at 2pm I didn't have a babysitter or a driver...so I was forced to do something rather dangerous that I made every attempt to avoid. But it was either go in at 2pm or deal with the searing eye pain til Thursday. After three weeks you'd think three more days wouldn't be a problem...but it really started to wear on my nerves and patients being in constant pain, and I didn't want to wait any longer, so I called and asked them to get me in pronto.
If you have been reading my blog recently you've seen that I was diagnosed with Pink eye. I now know there are 4 forms of pink eye. Well it wasn't the form of pink eye that my physician thought it was. My physician put me on antibiotic eye drops. There had been no improvement after 6 days and in fact in addition to no improvement, I now had extreme light sensitivity and vision loss in my right eye. I was getting scared, why couldn't anyone figure out what the problem was? Why am I loosing my vision?
So finally I see the optometrist on Tuesday and there is this huge mass in front of my pupil obstructing my vision. The doctor immediately wrote a prescription for anti-viral eye drops and oral medication. But he said the oral medication could pose a possible risk to breastfeeding, that he would have to look it up and I might have to discontinue breastfeeding or pump and dump for a few months. A few months...I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I said ok. I just wanted to stop the pain. With my eye closed it felt like there was glass under my eyelid and with my eye open the light was too painful to feel like I could function. I couldn't even look at a computer screen without pain. I was disappointed at the thought of having to stop breastfeeding, but having my sight was more important.
I drove to the pharmacy after the appointment for my eye drops while the doctor researched weather the oral medication would be a conflict with breastfeeding. Now keep in mind driving is absolutely dangerous so I really wanted the drops and to just get home and off the road.
I always find myself in the situation where I have absolutely no one to help me, but I just drove as carefully as I could. I get to the pharmacy and wait for 30 minutes and they don't have the drops in stalk, so I drove home. It was then on my drive home that I broke down...(emotionally) and that was the wrong place to break down. But I held it together til I pulled into the garage, then just cried with my head on the steering wheel. The last three weeks had all just caught up with me and the thought that my vision kept getting worse and I've have to drive again tomorrow because no one could take off work to help me get my prescription was just too overwhelming for me. I didn't even feel safe having my kids in the car with me. If I was going to get in an accident, I didn't want them with me. Why couldn't God just lend me a hand just this one time and have someone help me get this prescription so I don't have to drive? Who am I kidding, everyone I know is working 9-5...there's no hope, I have no babysitter and if I called a taxi, could I get 2 car seats in the car? Do I trust the taxi driver with the kids if I run in and grab my prescription, or do I really quickly try to make friends with a neighbor, then ask them to babysit? I just really didn't see any safe options which lead me to my crying delirious state of wanting to give up on my life at least for a day. I was emotionally tired and in pain and trying so desperately not to rub my eye. I posted a status update on facebook about my horrible day and moments later I got a phone call. It was Lanny. She has always been there when I've felt like I was at rock bottom. It helped so much to cry to someone. I soon found out she would be in town tomorrow and would be able to drive me to get my prescription! God heard my cry for help...
My husband got home about 10 minutes later and gave me a huge pep talk about how people have it worse and I really have a lot to be thankful for. I really didn't like hearing what he had to say, but it made sense and made me look at the last three weeks differently for a moment. We are in our new house, yes there are boxes everywhere and we still have so much to do, to paint, to build, to decorate, but its ours and I shouldn't let some physical disability ruin the great things that were happening to us.
But in comparison it has been an overwhelming month. Not only were both my husband and I dealing with health problems, right before we moved into the house we had to drop a ton of money on a plumber, then an electrician and then we had a mold problem that we discovered about the same time we were sick with the flu. With Closing costs, that's a lot of money you are seeing disappearing before your eyes. So we have had so much dropped on us lately that an eye problem like this that has lasted for three weeks and there is like a 1% chance my vision won't return can seem like the nail on the coffin.
But today, I went back to the optometrist, while I still don't have vision in that eye, my light sensitivity is soo much better. My vision until today was like being at the bottom of a 10 foot pool looking thru the water trying to identify what you see on the surface. So basically all I see out of that eye is blurry shapes and blinding light. But at least now I can look at a computer screen again without being in pain. ;) and the doctor saw improvement from the meds I am taking. So it means I'm gonna beat this horrible viral infection and I'm gonna get better.
Yesterday after my dear friend Lanny drove me to get my prescription and then ate lunch with me and my kiddos, (Bought Lunch for us actually) I took a short nap before the baby woke up, then I put together my office desk by myself might I add. I was proud I didn't need Hunky Hubs help. And today after my appointment I bought some shelving for my office, so for the first time since we moved in, I actually feel human enough to start and hopefully complete some house projects and get the kids back on a daily routine.
My projects in the next coming weeks are to:
1. Finish painting the master bedroom. (You'll see pics of this. The color is amazing with our bedroom set)
2. Paint my office. You will see before and after pictures of this room too!
Hunky Hubs is working on painting his man cave. His LA Kings just won the Stanley Cup so he's already painted part of the wall in black and silver. ;) I can't wait to see our rooms finished.
Anyway, I think you will begin to see more of Heather around the Blogosphere in the coming days! I'm excited! :) Until then, don't let life beat you up so much you can't see the beauty of it right in front of your face! ;)
Wife, Mother of Two Boys, Coffee Addict, Pinterest obsessed, an aspiring writer balancing every day life of raising a family and blogging about it.