I envy those moms that have grand parents that will take the kids off your hands for a few hours or let you have a date night with your hubby every once in a while. Those grandparents who want to hang out with their grand children, or just help out. I unfortunately am a one man band most of the time and it is trying on my nerves a lot of the time when I just want to pee alone or take a shower without hearing screaming and yelling from the kids when I come down stairs because my older son (three) is incapable of getting along with his younger brother since he started crawling.
Its so hard.
I just want someone to pick up the slack....occasionally.
Someone to help me refresh my mind and my emotions and to let me have some time off being a mom for a day.
I get about a half an hour in the evenings to shower, but even then its not peachy. As I'm toweling off I hear the hubs getting upset with J myster who most likely hurt his brother by taking a toy from him for the ump teenth time.
My son has had to share his toys since he was 12 weeks old with the other kids that I used to watched. He's no stranger to sharing....yet it is the hardest thing for him to do. Maybe its just him being three. Maybe I've done something wrong.... I don't know but I struggle with this particular part of parenting a three year old. I can't leave the room for a second without him doing something to his brother to claim a toy back. I have gone as far as installing video baby monitors so that I can talk to them thru the camera if I need to step away from them for a moment...
go to the bathroom,
take out the trash...
wash a dish...
make a fourth cup of coffee.
I know these years are short in the grand scheme of things...but I 'd love to take a shower without guilt.
The hard part about having a mom blog is that we are supposed to make it look easy. We are supposed to be the ones with the answers and the advice and the ones that don't have trouble with our kids, husbands or family. We are supposed to have it all together. Well I don't have it all together and I wish that I could get past this and blog a little deeper, but I find I just need to get stuff off my chest. You say "well duh hire a baby sitter"....that sounds nice on the surface until you really count the cost of a babysitter and the fear I have of a stranger watching my children for a few hours while in my home while we go out. And that must sound completely strange coming from a person who used to be a caregiver. I think the difference is, I'm not dropping my kid off where there are other children and a registered care giver. A baby sitter can be anyone...and I don't want to let just anyone in to my home with my kids, I want it to be someone that I know. The only problem is, every one I know besides my mother in law who is retired, works full time.
I just have two.... that's it.
I can't image moms who have three or four or more.
Just two and I want to cry almost daily.
If my husband didn't work 40 plus hours a week and come home completely stressed out himself, I'd be asking more help from him in the evenings. But I can't just leave him with two rowdy kids, one who won't take naps anymore and a 10 month old whom you can't take your eyes off of for a second because he even plucks the strands of carpet out of the floor and eats it!
I'M NOT KIDDING!
So kicking it in another room while my husband takes care of the kids, and I have to listen to the chaos thru the walls, I just can't do it. I'd feel lazy or selfish if I went up and took a nap.
Even as I type this, kids are screaming...
J threw a toy train at B and gave him a bloody lip. He is sitting in time out now screaming at the top of his lungs.
Is this just boys?
Hunky Hubs says J is jealous because I nurse B and that things will be better between the two of them when I stop nursing. I really hope this is the case because I want to blog about the greatness of being a mommy, not all the bad parts. I don't want to remember the bad parts, I want to talk pleasantly about this hood called mom.
I just need some clarity. Some time. some peace, some quiet, some sleep....something because the coffee doesn't do it anymore.
Yes I know, I just proof read what I wrote and you are thinking what I would be thinking...."Where the heck are your parenting skills?"
I don't know, I lost them when I lost my mind.
The problem with loosing your mind is it happens slowly over time, so you can't go back and figure out where exactly it was that you misplaced it. Pieces of it just start fluffing off here and there and its only revealed that you've lost your mind when you start speaking to other adults.
I will end with this....
I love my family. But I don't have to like them right now.
I'll start over in the morning.
Wife, Mother of Two Boys, Coffee Addict, Pinterest obsessed, an aspiring writer balancing every day life of raising a family and blogging about it.