I'm either in a rut, or depressed. I don't want to do anything. Sure I guess you could cause it laziness, but its accompanied by an "ah its not worth it" mood. I don't know where it has come from. I think it has to do with the transition my husband is once again in at work and it started pretty much after we moved. I've tried daily to get past it, to tell myself its just a hard time right now. This move was supposed to be exciting. It was our dreams coming true. But my husband hasn't been able to enjoy it. He's stuck between working for two companies. He's the middle man, and isn't able to please both parties and its making him come home from work in a fowl mood, which then turns my mood sour and I just really feel like we are being robbed of the happiness we should have. My husband hasn't been able to enjoy this place. He's mentally occupied. He's somewhere else. He has been ever since we moved. He's not him. He's never really expressed profound joy of living here. He just went from going, "oh yay, the house is ours now, to oh look at all the stuff we have to do to fix it up". No sitting back and just being happy to have something that is ours. Not yet, at least. And now that we have been here for four months, I have a feeling, I just won't see that from him. I feel like something was taken away from us. The joy of it all. I was happy despite all the work...but the hubs wasn't. So now I feel like that unhappiness has transferred to me in some way. When you feel like your spouse comes home and is only a shell....he just puts on this smile and feigns happiness, you can tell. Then it just feels like, all the time, the money, the love you put into things...doesn't matter anymore.
I make to do lists, can't seem to get thru it all. Come mid day, I've given up. It doesn't seem worth it. I'm not excited to get up in the morning and start my day. It also doesn't help that Baby B is backwards baby and slept thru the night as a newborn, but now wakes up 2 to 4 times a night wanting to nurse. I want to stay in bed.
How do you get out of those ruts? I had a good system, a great system of getting things done. But now just no motivation behind it all. I think you feel like if the people around you are happy, then what you do is worthwhile. Maybe I'm just tired of daily life as a stay at home mom. Maybe I need someone to talk to? I don't know. Yesterday, I was looking forward to fall...and I still am....but I'm just kinda feeling blah. I can't tell if its a rut, or depression.
Author: Heather
Wife, Mother of Two Boys, Coffee Addict, Pinterest obsessed, an aspiring writer balancing every day life of raising a family and blogging about it.
8 comments:
poor you, i used to get like this a LOT when i wasn't working. i would just snap in and out for no reason in particular. but the downs were horrible, something that perks me up sometimes are inspirational movies. that make you go hell yea i need to be get up and do something like that lol, you know about a small town girl who makes it big or something. but hey, that;s just me
I am hosting a blog hop over at my blog today http://myfroley.blogspot.com
Thanks Alex. It was definitely just a rut. I'm feeling better over the weekend. Doing some exercise and getting out on my bike helped a lot!
It sounds like to me that your husband's mood is just rubbing off on you and your lack of sleep is catching up with you. Cut yourself some slack and take some baby steps to feeling better. I agree with Camille - talk to your husband and see if you can work on it together.
Yeah Christina, I think you hit the nail on the head. I am tired and if I could just get 8 hours....maybe I'll feel normal soon, then can tackle my husband's bad mood.
Coming from someone who has Bi-polar (which is where you get depressed and manic, in cycles) it doesn't sound to me like you're truly depressed. I think it's super hard to be happy when your spouse is not. Of course, I'm no expert on life or marriage but because of my disorder, we have had to go through a lot so I do have that as experience. And my advice would have to be talk to your husband... Work this out together. Whenever I keep things to myself, they get worse. Trying not to burden him never really works out. Also, do something for yourself. I mean I don't know if you already are, but getting out of the house for a class alone once or twice a week can really do wonders for a mom's emotional health! As long as it's for something you enjoy, not another responsibility. :)
Yeah you are right. My husband does suffer from depression and i think for a few days it just totally caught up with me. Its hard sometimes when I want to totally be excited about something, but he's not. He's just "Eh, whatever." Anyway...I will be getting out of the house today with the kids...so that should help.
It is really hard to get things done when your feeling down. I try to focus on one small thing like cleaning out a junk drawer. It makes me feel like I accomplished something. Hand in there! My thoughts and prayers are with you that things will get better.
I usually shop or blog! I literally wrote something like this the other day... I somehow just snapped out of it... hope you too!
http://hooahandhiccups.blogspot.com/2012/09/an-eeyore-kind-of-day.html
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